I wish you could hear me when I speak....

painting by JAMES C. CHRISTENSEN

These past few months have been a emotional roller coatser ride with my dad.
I have tried to spare him strife, tried to talk truths and tried to understand him.
He doesn't leave me much room and often tried to steam roller me as we have been working together- on family matters.

I would love to look into his eyes and see what is truly on his mind.
He has dropped a few verbal bombs unknowly or maybe he did know but didn't think through what it may have left me feeling.
He finds me agruementive if I don't agree.
He finds me judgemental when I question.

He is much like a pit bull once he gets a bite he doesn't let go.
He is a much like fisherman throwing hooks everywhere.

He has a continous aggrevator, she knows that I feel she treats him badly.
I have many many small conversations to stop the aggression but all has fallen on closed ears.

I guess my only recourse is to stand a bit farther back, out of the way as I have been conditioned to do all my grown years.

" Hello wall..." I often speak silently.
" I love you dad...." my hearts feels strongly.
I wish I could reach out and touch you in a different light.
I wish we could share more common ground...peeling back the layers of difference.

I will not let go, just let loose.
I can only wish.....